I still don’t have a vocabulary for connection.
I have a good capacity of speaking connection non-verbally. But when it comes to words, I often lack vocabulary to speak it.
Most often I am at a loss of words for connection when it comes to how to handle a given situation. Someone who I depend on in one way or another handles a situation in their way. I find it difficult to understand their choice, so I ask. I don’t find the answer this person gives me very convincing, so I become sceptical. My guess is, maybe the way chosen in this situation was not very conscious, maybe it was just one of these times when you choose for a way without thinking it through properly. Which is something that happens all the time.
I expect of myself, in such a situation, to acknowledge this. Right, I chose this because of the given circumstances, but looking back, I see that this was not actually a wise choice. I could learn from this.
When I am dependent on someone else’s decisiontaking, I hope they make wise choices. And I understand that sometimes that doesn’t happen, of course.
In the same way as of myself, I’d hope other people too would acknowledge their poor choices, without guilt, but with honesty.
In this situation, something strange happens to me. Two things I care about collide. I care about connection. No matter if I disagree with someone’s choice, I believe connection is something to keep.
At the same time, there is something separating me from my friend, colleague, partner in this moment. Is it distrust? Fear? Judgement?
I believe if I could connect to my judgement, and beyond that, to my need in that moment, I might be able to keep up connection anyways.
Something like “Hey, I’m really confused as to your choice there, I’d highly appreciate clarity and understanding. Would you like to explore with me what choices you took and why?”
But in there, and in this situation, there’s a huge risk of hidden judgements.
“Hey, I find your decision really stupid. I don’t think you are stupid. I must have misunderstood something. What do you think?”
Better? Not sure.
Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe it’s not about me.
Someone makes a not-entirely-wise decision, which affects other people. This person doesn’t like making not-entirely-wise decisions, of course. Another person insists on pointing out their not-entirely-wise decision and insists on deepening that point.
Decisionmaking-person feels rather uncomfortable and tries to get out of that situation.
Maybe it’s; Hey, you’ve got to feel rather uncomfortable about this thing. I get that, I do too.
But where does the change happen? I don’t like to accept not-so-wise decisions affecting me.
Is it my right to tell someone what kind of decisions they’re to take?
How is it not my right if those decisions affect me?
By that logic, it would be my right to tell anyone around me what decisions to take, because they affect me.
Maybe the whole point is another. People around you take decisions. Some affect you more directly, some less. Learn to live with it.