My thoughts these days revolve a lot around failing.

Why? Because I say that I’ve failed.

Almost precisely one year ago I announced that Knowmads Sevilla would start in August 2014.
One week ago we took the final decision that it wouldn’t. Not enough students have committed themselves to spending one year of their life and 1500€+ on our program.
Woah, it’s not fun to write this.

We have done a tremendous job in team building over the last months, in conceptualizing and in carrying on. We have not done a tremendous job in presenting ourselves, in inviting others, in offering safety and clarity, in helping trust. In my eyes.

And a voice says, well, this wasn’t doable, we couldn’t offer clarity because we had to learn it, we had to develop it, we had to learn about ourselves, our work, our offer.
And another voice says, it’s always possible, you just didn’t manage.

It’s usually easier to say that afterwards, of course. 6 months ago our path was not at all clear before us. And looking back, many things appear clear and obvious and with what we know now, we could have taken another path.

Knowmads Sevilla is not starting in August 2014.
Instead, we can use what we can say now about the last 6 months and put them to use in the next 6 months, preparing the real start.

So often we repeat how important failing is, that it’s really learning. That failing is not falling, but staying down. All these wise words – but it still hurts and sucks to not have managed to achieve what I wanted.

I learn that I am much more result driven than I expected. That I am much more critical towards myself than I expected. I should have! This painful should-word again.

People tell me that projects usually turn out taking longer than expected. That always the first planning has to be adjusted. That that’s normal. But couldn’t I have managed to do it better?

There’s learning there. Why should I have been able to do it differently than anyone else?

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